Offer specific assistance: "I'm going to the grocery. After that, the body has to be cremated. If you are a casual friend or extended friend: Send an email or text immediately and follow up after the. what to say to someone who has experienced a death, How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say. For the family, the trauma of having to retell the story over and over can be horrific. This is generally the case with professional colleagues and associates, community and religious organization members, and other acquaintances. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. Mourners customarily choose to wear simple, white clothing to the funeral, although this is not a religious requirement, and a Hindu priest usually leads the prayers. There is no need to cover the head. We pray that Lord Krishna gives you great strength to travel through all of this suffering. May Lord Krishna grant you strength. The soul is neither born, nor does it ever die; nor having once existed, does it ever cease to exist. While the thirteen day intense period of Hindu mourning rituals may involve family and friends, the immediate family of the deceased is considered in mourning for a year following the death of the loved one. The only exceptions to this obligation are when the expression of condolence is simply a printed form with no personal message, or when the writer asks that his or her note not be acknowledged (a thoughtful thing to do when writing a close friend, or when someone you know well will receive a great number of condolences). There are several ways to show honor and to respect the memory of the departed, including visiting in person. This depends on personal preferences. Not reading or reciting anything from the holy scriptures. Incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable not to cry, as each person processes grief differently. In our cosmopolitan society, its not uncommon to know or work with people from all over the world. In any context, bad manners are those that make other people uncomfortable. Traditionally, Hindus like to have the ashes spread on the Ganges Rivers waters in India. Hindu Quotes of Condolence and Healing. Certain rituals occur in the final moments, including: What should health and care professionals bear in mind? Gifts of food and red flowers are not acceptable; white flowers are considered the appropriate mourning flower. Because people will be standing, it is customary to keep the ceremony brief. This article is written to highlight the dos and the dont-s in most situations. I am sorry for your loss. of an actual attorney. The gesture must be in line with the persons proximity to the family, and the familys own cultural preferences. Whilst it may be difficult to observe all Hindu death rituals in a hospital or care home, it is helpful to remember the following so that the patient can stay true to their faith: What rituals take place after someone dies? Is there a member of the clergy or other person she has in mind for performing the service? Discussions about unhealthy habits leading to an early demise can be reserved for later. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. Everplans is not a licensed healthcare provider, medical professional, law firm, or financial advisory firm, and the employees of Everplans are not acting as your healthcare providers, medical professionals, attorneys, or financial advisors. Good Thinking provides a range of resources to help Londoners improve their mental wellbeing. We often hear people say things like Dont be sad, Dont cry, It is all for good, I know how you feel, He is in a better place now in an attempt to provide comfort. It is also appropriate inHindu tradition to send sympathy gifts. 12. In Gujarati families, there is a belief that the departed soul rests on the rooftop of the house observing everything for the next 13 days. As there is no room for error, it is better to go prepared than be caught by surprise not knowing how to respond in such situations. Some people are able to manage the delivery of a eulogy with aplomb; others can't even bear to think about doing so. However, they can participate in the chanting of mantras taking place thereafter. Drop her a note periodically, or even an e-mail, to let her know you're thinking of her. Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. Envisioning Fatherhood: Indian Fathers' Perceptions of an Ideal Father. This short message gets to the essence of the Hindu faith in just a few short words. At that time, one can bright gifts like fruit. (2.20) acche'dyo' yam adhaahyo' yam akle'dhyo' sya eva cha / nithyah sarva-gathah sthaanoor achalo' yam sanaathanah. You can see he wanted his family to live well for many generations. This link will open in a new window. Those who are close to the grieving family can gently make sure that they dont miss their meals. And there are loved ones who suffer from their loss. Find out what to do and discover resources to help you cope. Chances are youll know this about your friends familial history enough to gauge an appropriate message based on his upbringing. One of the worst bloopers and a bane of modern technology when not done right, taking unsolicited photographs is a total no-no at a home where death has just occurred. If a Hindu, they can participate in the chanting of mantras. 5. Check out some ways to incorporate this idea when offering condolences for a partner or spouse. It is customary and appropriate to visit the family at home, especially during the days following the funeral. All rights reserved. It is not uncommon to hear one person pass a negative remark about the deceased persons character, soon to be joined by other likeminded people who fuel the conversation into a full-fledged debate. Candles and flowers decorate the wake , as well as the funeral service and the burial ground. It is typical for the family to decorate the house with icons of saints, burning incense and a single candle memorializing the deceased. Hare Krishna. It may not display this or other websites correctly. Moments with the family will usually be driven by the number of people waiting to offer their condolences. (2008). However, different Hindu groups may have different funeral rituals. Memorial Day for Divorced Parents. Thats because they are considered to be impure spiritually during the mourning period. If its not possible to visit there, then make a phone call. But may his soul travel swiftly to the next destination. A Hindu death ritual comprises of three parts: A funeral/wake at the family's place. If you decide you want to do it, then write your talk from your heart. Dress appropriately, lose the perfume (and sunglasses). With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a. The Hindu mourning period (sutak) typically lasts ten to thirteen days and includes various rituals, such as prayers and preparing certain foods, depending on the particular Hindu tradition of the family. It is appropriate to visit the bereaved before the shraddha ceremony and attend the service. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. After that, the body is moved to the cremation place from the home, where the cremation ceremony takes place. Where are we meeting for lunch today?, How was the movie last night?, Whats the score? are typical blunders that happen, which impart an uncaring celebratory tone to the visit. During the initial communication with the family or familys representative, the details surrounding the funeral, burial and memorial service may be obtained. Instagram. If this cultural shift is your cousins history, it might be appropriate to mention that distinction to honor them both after offering condolences. 2. After a person succumbs to illnesses such as cancer, some visitors make public assertions about magical cures that have no scientific validity, claiming that the person could have been alive through such means. She'll let you know, when you ask, whether or not she wants to see you and or needs anything. It could be anything from a gift of fooda casserole, a fruit basket, or some brownies for the family and their visitorsto an offer to house out-of-town relatives or friends. Your personal condolence note would be especially kind, too. May God guide your sons soul to attain the right path. Sometimes termed the Art of Presence, one of the best gifts one can give is the gift of time. Ask the person who will be officiating at the service for any tips on preparing and delivering a eulogy. Please accept my condolences for your loss. Wild boar hunters; Why few respond to Forest Dept notice, Facebook, Instagram launch AR effect featuring Kohli, Champions League: Juventus, Barca, Chelsea through to last 16, Damandeep Singh Soni: Rowing boAt in the challenging waters of marketing, Renault to launch compact SUV Kiger in Jan-Mar 2021, Entrepreneurship can be cultivated at any age, any time: Ankita Mallika Bansal, Opt for featherweight jeans to blend style and comfort, 'Jallikattu' India's Oscar entry for Best International Film, Jayasurya completes 100th movie in Malayalam cinema, Digital nomads! The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. During the ceremony, the last food is offered and flowers are arranged around the body. Your clear expression of sympathy and caring for your coworker is what matters the most. The world of Emily Post etiquette advice is at your fingertips. However, this is not a religious requirement and entering the temple during the mourning period is not forbidden. We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service In some cases, it would then be appropriate to recognize this care and give it the honor it deserves. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. Everything will be fine is another pass phrase where both the speaker and listener know its a lie. Family is very important in Hinduism and healthcare decisions should be made together (normally with the most senior family member or eldest child). If you are a close friend or relative: Call or text immediately, find a time to visit the bereaved at home, and continue to stay in touch on a daily basis. Most of the Hindu mourning rituals performed are designed to promote the free expression of emotions. Specific rituals depend on the patients affiliation to a particular Hindu tradition. Exchange stories about your loved one. May she rest in peace. Throughout this time, families may display a picture of their loved one, adorned with a garland of flowers, somewhere in their house. Not only is it unnecessary to bring flowers to the service, but you are expected not to bring them. 4. Surinder taught his children to live with intent and to be good ancestors. Just as It is all part of Gods plan might not go down well with an atheist, He will soon be reborn into a more beautiful life can be hugely offending to someone who doesnt believe in rebirth. This link will open in a new window. If the bereaved person would rather speak to someone they dont know or needs additional support, specialist bereavement support services (see below) are available. It's worth noting that some communities and faiths have an open casket at the visitation and at the funeral service. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. While it can be difficult to know just what to say to someone who has experienced a death, many people who have experienced a death appreciate being contacted. Alternatively, consider upgrading your account to enjoy an ad-free experience along with numerous other benefits. As author Arvind Sharma would say, there are as many Hinduisms as there are Hindus. Just the same, this leniency does not give people a wash from tradition. 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As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. Hinduism, like other great religions, has specific rituals for honoring the deceased and addressing a family's grief. A place to share knowledge and better understand the world. Find Appropriate Sympathy & Condolence Baskets. The loss of a child is particularly devastating for parents, and it is totally wrong to pass such remarks that implicate their role in the childs death. Ultimately, Hindus believe that through praxis, accumulation of good karma, and divine grace, moksha (liberation) can be achieved after death. The soul, however, must continue with its journey. It is also important to listen keenlythat is, without looking at our watches in between, fidgeting with our fingers or letting our eyes wander. Avoid the eating of certain foods, like sweets. The important thing is that you have received comfort from the many who have helped you. It would surely be a meaningful and caring gesture. Sometimes, it is just for the family. A kind friend never leaves our hearts; they will remain with us always. India Today Web Desk, I. In general, it is never inappropriate to dress in a way that reflects respect and sorrow for the somber moments of mourning a loss. For instance, if the family head shows or voices no grief, the guests will respond similarly. Time spent at the funeral home may vary. The family may return to work following the thirteen-day period of mourning. Why its so easy for Modi to appropriate icons hes opposed to Can you give an appropriate caption for this? In summary, visiting a grieving family requires good knowledge of etiquette as outlined above. Similarly, theres no understanding of heaven or hell, but there is the desire to achieve Nirvana. However, mourners can check with the funeral director or family for finding out whats appropriate for that particular funeral. Though a useful principle to follow universally, it is most handy while visiting the bereaved. Perhaps your friends child died as a teenager and didnt have a chance to go to university or get married for many reasons. A notice would either state the hour and location of the service, which would mean that it would be appropriate for you to attend if you wished, or it would indicate if the service is private. There will be things to be done at the home, such as taking care of guests or handling phone calls. The funeral directors will take the body for bathing, dressing and anointing with the permission and in the presence of chosen friends and relatives before the funeral rites take place. Whether you are going to a Hindu funeral or just want to send condolences to an acquaintance, we've provided 15 thoughtful examples as a place to start. While there's no rule book, the visitation, whether held at a funeral home or the family's home, is a good opportunity to express your condolences. Since you know that his mother likes lilies, you might want to wait a bituntil the activity immediately following your co-worker's death settles downand then send her the lilies. If you're completely overwhelmed by the prospect, and feel that you must decline, it's okay to do so. 15. Send hand-selected and thoughtful gifts appropriate for those of the Hindu faith to let them know you care. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. are not protected by an attorney-client privilege and are instead governed by our Privacy Policy. Leaving footwear outside is part of local culture in India, and is a respectful gesture in this context. 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If you didn't know him, you could mention something special you've heard about him. Everyone in this community respected your father. The urge to dish out free advice and meaningless platitudes must be resisted. Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. You can also donate financially if you can. Such people can be heard passing comments like When you look at her, she doesnt come across as someone who just lost her husband. 3. The best thing is to work things through at your own pace. The more eulogies that are to be delivered, the shorter yours should beno less than two minutes, but no longer than eight to ten. Recognizing and honoring this belief means that you grasp the idea of Brahman or the universal soul. Some Hindu traditions advocate devotional singing and scriptural recital during this time, rather than consider it a time of mourning; instead, realising it as a celebration that the soul has now been liberated and resides eternally in the abode of God. The act of explaining to the son or daughter or other close relatives about the good nature and help rendered by the deceased and give condolences to them is called Enquiring about the grief. Families differ in their religious beliefs, social preferences and cultural outlook. Some placement restrictions may apply. Usually, 6-8 people are asked. Brief words like I am sorry for your loss or You are in our thoughts and prayers are both meaningful and comforting. This may include feelings of shock, sadness, and even guilt. Pinterest. While every group has slightly different funeral practices, theres a general set of funeral rites that all follow in this community. Don't forget that you can also e-mail your coworker to express your thoughts before you write your condolence note. One needs to observe at least 10 to 30 days of mourning. And while most of the information provided above mixes trust with credible sources, theres such variety to the Hindu culture and faith systems that what works in one scenario may not work in another. Relatives may wish to sit at the patients bedside, sing. If You're More Casually Acquainted With The Person Who Died Or The Bereaved And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. Hindu mourning rituals will vary according to the sect, caste, circumstances of the family and a variety of other elements. She may depend on you entirely or she may wish to participate in the planning and have you take care of the details. To this end, even a simple note will suffice. What customs and traditions should I be aware of so that I can be respectful? It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. Das, S. (n.d.). He seemed fine when I saw him last week! Did you check her cholesterol? What did the first ECG show? Was he wearing a helmet? When was her last chemo? are but a few examples of such unwarranted questions. Amen. E-mail is a immediate way to reach out and say, "I'm sorry. "Would you like to have lunch with me next Tuesday?" People should wear white and not black. When a person dies, their atman (spirit or soul) is reincarnated into a different physical body or life form (human, animal, insect or plant). It's best to wait until the funeral service is over to greet the family, unless they're greeting people before the service. Those can include: During these thirteen days, the family and friends of the deceased are given the freedom to express their grief rather than keep it bottled up inside. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. Hindus generally prefer cremation over burial and the funeral usually takes place as soon as possible after death. This period usually lasts for 10 days. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. We loved her as our class teacher, she meant so much for all of us..
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