Jealousy is something almost everyone is afflicted with at some point and just because someone chose to be in a polygamous marriage doesn't mean they deserve less sympathy than anyone else. They dream big. 2006;52(1); 5-17. 2 Meet other future spouses. Cross-Cultural Research. One Sunday morning Thamsanqa sat her down and asked her how shed feel if he took a second wife. Therefore, in line with the objectives of this study, qualitative interviews were a superlative choice for inductive approaches aimed at generating concepts and hypotheses that have far more potential for research than any other model. He may be wounded and certain things may trigger an emotional response, such as . All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. Then there are the kids. I don't care about the feelings of his first wife, his first . When her husband refused, she said that she convinced and allowed her husband for second marriage. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. So, I was second selection of my in-laws." Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. In the modern-day polygamy is not as much disputed as in the past. The Journal of Social Psychology. Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. While in many cites it has been claimed that if a man is unable to maintain justice and equality to treat all the wives then the above verse is interpreted as in favour of monogamy [2]. Exploring the mediation effects of anger rumination and willingness to forgive on the association between self-compassion and romantic jealousy. Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mother's experience was awful. You find yourself constantly comparing yourself with his ex-wife. Women also support their men for polygamy if they are facing infertility to secure their marriage instead of divorce [4]. Minor clashes are part of life to her. Many young women might regard being a second wife better than remaining single. It doesnt mean that it wont last. This was a very uncertain and painful time for me. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. It is an option. For Aneesa Azeez, a 23-year-old Muslim convert and college graduate, her husband's . While Pakistan being an Islamic state where religion allows polygamy, the more typical reasons have been observed in the current study by multiple co-wives such as infertility, a woman being a mother only by female children, love marriage, or family pressure with the reference of religious doctrine. 2. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". He proposed for marriage to me as a second wife. His first marriage counted. Constitutionally, polygamy raises important issues under the free exercise clause of the First Amendment. The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. Ethnographic accounts of 69 polygynous systems and reported evidence that the majority of co-wives in a polygynous family prefer pragmatic co-operation with one another while maintaining a respectful distance however having a deep-seated feeling of angst that arises over competing for access to their mutual husband [21]. In another study man's wife having been diagnosed with a mental health problem, infertility, a man has only daughters or having children mentally and physically sick or man's wife older than he is, and exchange marriage are common reasons were discussed in a previous study. Finding the right path for their family also provides an opportunity for bonding. You can cancel anytime and if you cancel within 14 days you won't be billed. Since that we gave importance, care and love toward each other, i accept his proposal. We have also learned of situations where a man is forced by his family to take a second wife because his parents disapprove of his first wife for any number of reasons (they didn't choose her, his mother no longer likes her, she's not the right nationality, ethnicity, skin tone, caste, race etc). A Tajik court found him guilty of polygamy and of driving her to suicide, but spared him a jail sentence and ordered him to pay a $1,300 fine. Yet even though we have gallopped past our twentieth year of marriage, I am still considered The Second One by certain of our acquaintances. My wife and I were happy there was absolutely nothing wrong with our marriage. You feel the need to establish more control over the decisions of your partner. The statistics are stacked against you, Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. disadvantages of being a second wife islamirina emelyanova pasternak 26th February 2023 / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. Over breakfast her husband told her something that would make any woman choke on her toast: he wanted to take a second wife. But thats not how it works out for everyone. Jealousy: Jealousy is a common response to protect ones relationship [14]. Im raising my son to be a responsible man who will not look down on women, like my father does, she says. Journal of Moral Philosophy. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. I know in some families the children of the first wife have some sort of higher status, but this is my home and I dont want to raise my children like that, Thamsanqa says. She has never absolved me from the sin of being happy. King MT. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. The second wife will have all of these extra people in her life that she never bargained for and it can be a lonely or isolating feeling. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, 2. She was living with her husband first 10 years of her marriage. Makes sense if there is no balance between males and females in a region. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? Instead it is the familiar routine of waking to an arm around your waist, the companionable bathroom talk with mouths full of toothpaste, and the idea that someone will know if you dont make it home at night. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? The findings were consistent may be due to cultural and religious resemblance because Al-Krenawi and his colleagues conducted their study in Arab states. In addition, the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used to generate a wide range of perceptions and opinions that women carry out about their experiences in polygamous family structures. Outcomes of polygamous marriages were a second theme generated by evaluating the relationships of co-wives. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. 2009; 103(1): 17-29. As Mrs. Amir told the researcher, in the beginning, she got more privilege than the first but as time was passed and she did not conceive there was a time when she was completely ignored by in-laws and later from her husband. They also threatened her with divorce. Can I marry second wife? Results: Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. It is permissible for women and their family guardians to stipulate a condition in the marriage contract that the husband may not marry a second wife against her will. She said, in the beginning, I was not happy but with time and being realistic I have admitted and have divided the household chores. Source: Sunan Sad ibn Manr 633, Grade: Sahih. Her husband got married to Miss Sobia who was the 2nd wife and it was again a love marriage. Incidentally, polygamy is illegal for non-Muslims according to Federal law but is allowed for Muslim men under Sharia Law. In a home with more than one wife, what happens when problems arise? Many first marriages start with two young, giddy people, unfettered by the realities of life. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Treating me with the resentment of a union official watching a house being constructed with non-union labor, my erstwhile friend watched me build up and remodel my life. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry received 934 citations as per google scholar report, Research Article - ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (2021), Received: 20-Nov-2021 She got a marriage proposal from a married man to be his second wife as his first wife had a medical condition due to which he had not been able to sleep with her for last 11 years. Polygamy.com. Family Process. The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. It doesnt mean that it cant be wonderful. Mrs. Amir was the 2nd wife and also had no children her husband married her for children and his family again forced him for 3rd wife by giving the reference of the religious doctrine. composed of two imperfect people. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A Comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. Lateron, both married. The main strength of this study is that it provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. She said "After it, my husband was not trustworthy for me anymore. 5. Accepting being a second wife can be challenging for those who are considering polygamy. 2016; 22(3): 272-286. In some Middle Eastern countries, polygamy is regulated and the second, third or fourth wife, has legal rights. If that doesnt help, she can then approach his elders and explain exactly what it is thats happening and how shed like them to help. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. But Thembi* (the second wife) shocked our husband and decided to stay in the main house with Thamsanqa. They each have their separate rooms, and their husband alternates time spent between them equally. Data collection from the participants may have been affected by differences in age, years, and rank in marriage, educational level, and religious faiths. The positive side of the study is to explore the advantages and strategies used by polygamous women were very significant. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. Because polygamy is typically condoned only in specific regions, it may be difficult to meet other willing participants to enter a polygamous union. 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). The appropriate strategies which are purposefully working by co-wives must be enhanced with proper education and implement programmers that teach coping mechanisms and stress management. 15 Signs of a Histrionic Narcissist in a Relationship, How to Make an Anxious Avoidant Relationship Work: 15 Ways, 15 Signs of Narcissistic Parents-in-Law and How to Deal With Them, 15 Signs of a Clinically Covert Narcissist Husband, Why Do I Attract Narcissists: 10 Reasons & Ways to Stop It, Denial Stage of Grief: Signs and How to cope, 10 Ways to Deal With Your Husband Not Wanting You, 5 Ways to Fall Out of Love After Infidelity, Treading Carefully: Getting Back Together After Separation, 3 Ways Separation in Marriage Can Make a Relationship Stronger, 10 Things You Must Know Before Separating From Your Husband, 12 Steps to Rekindle a Marriage After Separation, How to Combat the 5 Glaring Effects of Anxiety After Infidelity, How to Have a Trial Separation in the Same House, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. Thamsanqa clears his throat and holds his wifes hand as he tells us that after being married for 15 years, he knew he needed a second wife. A false rumour that men in Eritrea would be legally obliged to marry at least two women went viral this week. Women need to be empowered with education and positive affirmation of self-worth. In most cases the husband will go back to the wife and apologise after his elders have spoken to him. In the normal course of events theres no need for formal structures in polygamous relationships as the wives usually work most things out for themselves, he says. To evaluate the outcomes of the relationship between co-wives. "Risk"? She described that she was completely alone with her daughters after her husband's second marriage. These findings have implications for policymakers and family advisors. When men are taken out of the marriage market by war or by prison, women suffer. They are sister wives, which means they have a friendship as well. One of the misconceptions about being someone's second wife is that you'll have no choice but to have a low-key courthouse wedding with minimal fanfare, and that the ghosts of weddings past will linger. But that doesnt mean that they arent a little wounded. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR, Ben-Shimol-Jacobsen S. Attitudes toward and reasons for polygamy differentiated by gender and age among Bedouin-Arabs of the Negev. Khazuyeva also has two parking spaces in an apartment building on Moscow's Mosfilmovskaya Street. Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome.. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. If the person in the second marriage who was married before didnt have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again. She said being Muslim I should follow and admit the true teachings of Islam." Somehow, you probably have always pictured someone who has never been married. She told that She was like a witch, spoiled my whole family. It was an arranged marriage. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. She believed that by allowing for a co-wife, she too would be blessed to have a child. Saravanan S. Female infanticide in India: A review of the literature. Polygamy has become very common in numerous cultures particularly in Islamic society. Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. Gina Barreca, Ph.D., a board of trustees distinguished professor at UConn, is the author of 10 books, including the bestselling They Used to Call Me Snow White, But I Drifted. 2.Explain the nature of your relationships with co-wives. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. In many typical cultures like India, China, and Pakistan infanticide is a very common practice despite an illegal and social evil [5-7]. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. Second marriages are like the mature version of you getting married again. I didnt really get it, but my parents are big on communication in a weeks time I was on board. Thembi says she knows people often question polygamous marriages but shes adamant that sometimes the women gain a lot more than the men. A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. Both babies were through cesarean. Mrs. Gulzar who was 36 years first wife told as she came to know her husband has a hidden marriage with Miss Nasreen. I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. Polygamy as sort of status symbol. Note that I said "freely" - emotionally guilt tripping women, threatening them with divorce or withholding custody of their children from them, and other such nefarious tactics to pressure women into 'accepting polygamy' are not equivalent to consent without coercion. Miss Nadia was the second wife of Mr. Imam. 5. In Pakistan culture, most polygamous women get relief in religious practices and other activities as one of the senior wives (Mrs. Amir) said "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayer and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." Tarrant County Mugshots 2020, Who Is The Black Woman In The Audi Commercial, Why Does Shrimp Foam When Boiled, Cdl Speeding Ticket 15 Over In California . Initially, uBaba wanted me to stop working and look after the business as well but my calling is nursing, says a shy Thembi, 52, as she finally joins the conversation. The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. In the long run, it is usually the second wife who is accepting of polygamy. Azad Chaiwala says he first "came out" as polygamous when he was just 12 . She was a nurse and divorce. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. polyandry, marriage of a woman to two or more men at the same time; the term derives from the Greek polys, "many," and anr, andros, "man." When the husbands in a polyandrous marriage are brothers or are said to be brothers, the institution is called adelphic, or fraternal, polyandry. In part, this is due to the fact that there is still a contingent for which a marriage without children is only slightly more honorable than a series of one-night stands. After those three days I regretted everything and I blamed myself for her heartache, he says. Barber N. Explaining cross-national differences in polygyny intensity: Resource-defense, sex ratio, and infectious diseases. Grab Now! Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and. 2014; 8-10. 2005; 44(1): 81-98. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. Mrs. Mustafa said, she approved and permitted her husband to 2nd marriage. In the beginning, females refused to share their partners but with time they accept it. Female infanticide and killing women for giving birth to a baby girl a case study of Pakistan inproceedings of socioint14-international conference on social sciences and humanities. Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. Avoiding adultery According to WorldCat, 99 percent of polygamous married men use this reason as justification for their undertakings. While in past empirical tests showed that children are strategic complements. She was the first wife of her husband and it was a happy arranged marriage. Different coping strategies have been explored to deal with the co-wives relationship by women to share their mutual husbands. You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. I was so impressed., READ MORE:Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Isibaya. Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. Eva wasn't happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. Mrs. Kamal also has a good relationship with her co-wife. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. These themes emerged in 3 main themes as Causes of polygamy, outcomes of polygamy, and coping strategies of polygamous women. Too many people are dying because of the conflict between monogamy and polygamy. Eleven women participated in the study. Polygamy is often confused with polyamory and bigamy. 17-Dec-2021, DOI: 10.54615/2231-7805.47221. Thats life. A Muslim convert says that being a second wife provides her. Mrs. Tanveer was 39 years old lady. Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. PostedNovember 5, 2012 She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". Her ex-husband died. 2231-7791 Copyright 2023, Department of psychiatry, Institute of Applied Psychology University of Punjab, Lahore, Pakistan. Relationships come and go, and thats to be expected. Lots of people are betraying their partners while pretending to be monogamous. 2020; 24: 339351. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. The surprise is this: when the moment comes, the man jumps with alacrity. In rare cases, men have carried on double lives, marrying two women and supporting two families, with neither wife knowing about the other. She always imposes a fine of 5,000 Malaysian ringgit (around $1,700) and six strikes of a cane. Mrs. Imam, Mrs. Ahmad, Mrs. Kamran, and Miss Nadia also admitted co-wives relationship and compromised with this relationship (Table 3). It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. But the . Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. 2008; 148(6): 745-764. The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry ISSN: 2231-7805 (In Print)E-ISSN But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. Christmas and having the whole family there together. She also never tried to snatch her husband from the previous co-wives as she said in her religion the Holy Book says A man can marry women of his choice two or three or four, but there must be justice and equality otherwise only one is enough". And more children too they are all so respectful and loving, a clear example of the home theyre being brought up in.. The real term for that arrangement is polygyny, "the practice or condition of having more than one wife at one time." Poly was defined above, and -gyny probably looks familar, from words like misogyny and gynecology: it's the Greek gyne, "woman." Mrs. Kamal due to the age factor she was very distressed at the time of her husbands' 2nd marriage but with time she accepted this relationship and had a good relation with 2nd wife and with her children. What kind of man has three wives and no job? She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. An in-depth interview technique was used with probing questions to get the perception from polygamous women about their life experiences, reasons behind polygamous marriage, and what strategies were used by co-wives to deal with such relationships. Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. In turn, some women don't tell their friends about their husband's other partners because young people in the region are becoming more outspoken on how polygamy is an arrangement that is designed. Whats not typically expected is becoming a second wife. But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives. Seven women were single before marriage, while two were divorced and two were widowed. And what if one of the wives has a problem with the way her husband is treating her? The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Mrs. Ahmad was a second wife and it was a love marriage. Life as a co-wife wasn't easy for Cecilia; she started being mistreated by the second wife. The purpose of this study is to investigate married womens experiences in polygamous marriages and their ways of coping to accept this relationship. Lower risk that people get bored in a marriage. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. Policy-makers should be made aware of the implications of polygamous marriages on womens health and well-being. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. After the wedding they all moved into a bigger house with cottages at the back for the children. Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. During my final two years in my first marriage, I was constantly telling my friends how I wanted to make my relationship work. Your spouse has lost their first wife either to divorce or death, both of which bring immense, albeit very different, pain and coping mechanisms. Table 3: Frequency of co-wives for religion faith, admit the fate role, and compromise as coping strategies in polygamous marriages (N=11).
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