Admirable restraint indeed. I cant see how anyone would be upset with a man who agrees with that statement and concludes that he has every right to walk away from the whole situation. The last time I checked it took more than one person to make a baby. LOL What? In fact, step aside from the situation (my advice to you). Steve Kellmeyer April 9, 2012, 1:13 pm. We have been broken up for a few months but have remained friends and in contact. Actually no. Youre only asking for heartache down the road. Seriously, no wonder so many of are all too stupid to understand where babies come from. When you ended it you knew it was over. )boyfriend who got the woman pregnant. I would MUCH rather this guy walk away now then be stuck with a screaming baby he doesnt care for and end up throwing it off a bridge. You cant bear life without each other yet hes untrappable? Coke didnt have to do anything wrong. make sure you use back up protection! Wrap it up or dont serve burgers, thtas the only choice YOU have. Im also a longtime lurker who was a little taken aback by all the vitriol aimed at this mans head. You are talking as if a decision to terminate a pregnancy is as easy as taking out the garbage, as if there are no consequences to it whatsoever. They arent bad people because of it. Because one of the known outcomes is happening to him and hes pissed at someone else. Mother hits hard times and ends up going on either Medicaid or Temporary Assistance/Welfare. Both parties should be concerned about birth control. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that.. It says there is no child at conception. I think whatever scorn youre heaping onto this woman you should deal evenly to your boyfriend. Its such a heated issue, because everyone knows someone that has some sort of baby-mama-drama on one side or the other. I mean, I know guys are suppose to stick up for guys, but come on.. Hes walking away and Susie will give birth or have an abortion alone. BTW, has he heard about condoms?? Yep. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. Stop this back and forth with him. A mans legal obligation to support his children is not some well hidden secret and nowhere is it mentioned that hes being asked for anything more. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. I dont think a relationship with the other woman will work but at the same time Id run from a man who wants nothing to do with their own child. Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. Also, when you call people honey constantly or tell them to go read a lawbook(?) ago. 50 percent of babies are unplanned, and that includes married couples using contraception. April 10, 2012, 9:06 pm. Um, yeah. End. Surely you know that So if you want to hate women for having child support, why dont you hate the men who skipped town. Well technically for me it was the way he reacted to his potential child and nothing about the way he treated the LW or the woman in the letter. No, honey, I am not and I dont believe HmC is either. April 10, 2012, 10:56 am, hes angry with the way this has worked out. And you dont sound much better. No it isnt. He wasnt in a relationship with the LW at that time, and had no expectation that they would get back together. iseeshiny People are calling him scum because hes a guy who doesnt want to become a father to that womans child. Second, after all this talk of how disgusting he was for supposedly not using a condom, not knowing her all that long, etc., why no talk about this woman doing the exact same thing (number it takes to tango = 2) and having to deal with the consequences? Why you ask? Thats seriously not cool. I hate a society that even makes this an issue. By continuing to use this site, you agree to our updated Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. THERE IS NO CHILD AT CONCEPTION. so its a little early to judge. Everyone seems to assume he didnt use a condom, but nothing in the letter says that. He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. This attitude that men become slaves the instant a girl gets pregnant is actually very crazy, in my opinion. -Is furious with her for keeping her baby LW, your anger is misdirected. April 9, 2012, 5:46 pm. It doesnt make sense. Give him another chance. You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape.. 4. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! The child support goes to support the child. There was a reason for that. We all know breakups are painful. by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. 10. Thats what youre always nattering about. If he doesnt do this, and the woman gets pregnant anyways, he needs to show maturity and be responsible for his decisions. April 9, 2012, 9:39 pm. The way I figure, he can go ahead and have unprotected sex all he wants but I still maintain its a bad idea. Taking no personality responsibility whatsoever and then whining about the consequences? But the woman needs to be prepared to accept his involvement as strictly financial. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. And be aware that nothing short of not having sex is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. Youre upset that it only took a few months for her to get what youve been waiting for 4 years. Im pretty sure we can all agree on that? Men abandon and fail to pay for children constantly. Glad to see youve really listened to fellow commentators, reflection on their contributions carefully and made a meaningful contribution to the DW community. My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. If its not easy, opt out of it. Males pay a surrogate to carry the tissue blob, or lesbians can carry the tissue blob themselves. Thats shitty. 2. LW, your boyfriend is an ass and youre acting like one. The woman then apparently became pregnant with apparently the guys child. Its interesting how none of these comments address that he SPECIFICALLY said that he would have nothing to do with his own child. -Exposed you to STIs by going bareback with a woman he cant stand and hes known for two minutes and then coming back to you Consider that this man is 40 years old, but still immature. If he didnt want to wear condomwhateverIll even give him the benefit there. And realize that when you have sex, you could very well get someone pregnant. I was a completely amicable situation and hes had no issue with this arrangement and its been many years. And finally we see what youre doing ranting about paternity laws and mens rights on a relationship advice site. I think, Chuck, what she meant was that no one is forcing these men to impregnate strangers. Well, custody deals with life choices (what school they go to, what religion theyre raised as, what kind of medical treatments they get, etc.). Im not disagreeing with your assessment at all, however, I have to question you on thisdo you really believe that if it were possible to two men or two women to get pregnant that they never would and things like this would never happen just because they were heterosexual? April 9, 2012, 1:23 pm. I wouldnt be single again for all the tea in china. We were together for 2 1/2 years, lived together, got a dog together, talked about mar. However, RR, Ill assume that every time youve ever had sex, it has been with someone you wanted in your like as a co-parent and that it was at a time in your life that a child would have been welcomed. You go to a window and pick one out and take it home with you. Oh, me too! The misogyny is the implication that this somehow makes it easy for a woman. so many unwanted and unplanned pregnancies could be prevented if people just showed more interested and care in using birth control. Therefore, move on. female It really doesnt help the LW at all and doesnt belong here but here we go. lets_be_honest I didnt mean to imply it wasnt true, it just unfortunately isnt enforceable. We have been able to shield the kids from this at this point. The point is, theres a baby on the way who needs a daddy. Kind of sounds like it was written by an extremely immature middle aged woman. iseeshiny I came back to re-read because I was worried my reply would be disjointed and confusing (I wrote it tired last night, with a fever), so Im glad that while its not going to win any literary award, it wasnt totally nonsensical! Doesnt have to be romantically involved with this woman, but he wants nothing to do with the child that he helped to create, or the woman he cant stand. Honestly, I did grow up craving a strong male presence in my life and have always gravitated towards male professors or bosses who wee willing to play the role of mentor. You can get pregnant on birth control! No. datechguy I always thought that had to be a mutual decision. Hes probably the worlds most prolific internet commenter. And seriously what is with people having sex with people they cant stand clearly you could stand them long enough to bang them. Chuck Pelto Guy Friday Um please feel free to disregard teh account representative, that may have been for something else haha. Its not some big secret that women have that option and that men are legally obligated to provide financially if she exercises that option. This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. Hes decided on what hes going to do, and it does not involve you. Quit acting like hes so hard done by by this woman and tell him to get some responsibility. What a door mat you are! Its called lying. That happens. So he and the LW should break up for good. Theyre the exact same situation, but for some reason, hes scum. evanscr05 The man has NOTHING to do with any child creation. i thought that was a bit harsh as well although her anger is unjustified, shes actually just reacting the same way 99% of people would do in that same situation. . He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. Steve Kellmeyer Go on about it all you want though. Painted_lady Just sayin. I dont know how you can defend it. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Now imagine a bunch of people calling you a scumbag for having the temerity to be angry at your friend, arguing that the situation is of your own making since you should have known this was a possibility when you lent out the car. Hell of course express things in a way that maximizes the chance of him not doing any more to hurt the LW than necessary. That is really fucked up. But there is no ensuring that the child is cared for in an adoption. You have a lot of personal issues to deal with, little boy. And for some reason people always seem to have the idea that it wont happen to them. That is what passes for reality in your world? Well, ok. Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and LIKE Terrance Dean on Facebook, clickHERE! If hes being deceived then hes a willing participant. April 10, 2012, 6:11 pm. It was her choice. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? Just a suggestion for your scumbag boyfriend. April 9, 2012, 11:16 am, Oh, good lord. Thats why I kind of went to the extreme with the whole Threw some money thing. That support is not hers. Roe v. Wade merely established that abortion is a privacy issues and that a womans right to choose what is done with her body takes precedent over the rights of a state to prevent abortion. A lottery win implies she is loaded and set for life. Thank God for the real men. But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). First, abandoned is a bit misleading, since (a) we dont know that theyd broken up before or after she discovered she was pregnant and (b) hes agreed to pay for the child. April 9, 2012, 5:48 pm. They probably hang out for a few weeks more, she kind of gets on his nerves for whatever reason and starts to bug the shit out of him. Sure, lots of people take those chances. This man in the letter has spent those same 25 years being an ever-aging manchild. While I grant you that the lack of control for men once a pregnancy occurs is, in a sense, unfair, I think there is unfairness on both sides of the issue. On a side note: If the adoption had not occured and she went after him for support, he could contest it by stating that it would be detrimental to the child as he has no fatherly relationship with the child and introducing such a relationship so many years later would be harmful. But I answer younger peopleI even have made some comments on Teen Rant. And he put you in danger of contracting an STD because he failed to use a condom. There is no indication that he is committed to having a relationship with you on any level. He didnt want a baby? Wow. After reading your comment, all I wanna say is, AfuckingMEN. reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): A John Rohan And, you know, your well reasoned logic and stuff. Its just biological fact- unfair probably, but not something we can change. Ill never leave you. This doesnt arise from the rights of the mother. 2. Men dont pay child support during gestation only when there is an actually living child is in the world that has physical needs. Long story short he ended up comeing to his sences and we got back together a month or so before our son was born. Does this mean, then, that you advocate that every woman who ever gets pregnant must (a) have the child and (b) stay with the father, lest she be scum? Imagine that you get to design a law that will allow fairness no matter which of these happens. April 9, 2012, 4:23 pm. I attempt to avoid name calling, but youre not very smart. Its when I disagree that I usually feel I want to write a comment. So, youre wondering what is it about her that he is willing to commit himself and give his all to her. While it is true he has no obligation to someone hes broken up with, he does have an obligation to not go around making babies with women he doesnt even know. SpaceySteph So the system is very one sided. Tell you what sunshine I promise that when men carry the children you all can decide about terminating the pregnancy too irrespective of your partners wants then we will have that equality you want so bad. The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat. Therefore, unless a man has sex only with the intent of becoming a father and only with the intent of never being with another woman, he is an asshole. He wants nothing to do with his own child. This woman is having a baby, not a concept. Unless Im sure the guy will make it worth my while, Im not going to do it. Because the one who is raising the kid is obviously already supporting it. Are you kidding? If he doesnt think hed be a good dad, he probably wont be. hamster van beethoven And its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. Start sinking down in the gutter, and no, Im not going to follow you there. Sex makes babies and every time you have sex you run the risk of making a baby. We only have sex if were ready to be a father? I would suggest that the man under discussion would not be sponge-worthy. I dont think hes a bad guy for having sex with this other woman, and it was his decision to not use a condom. So go whine about how unfair life is to someone who is as ignorant as you are about how life works. April 9, 2012, 7:11 pm. No reason to pass that one along to future generations, Rachelgrace53 Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. And dont worry, my sons will have the good sense to stay away from your daughters. Be a grownup, decide if this relationship is worth the less perfect, more dramatic parts, and act accordingly. Is it fair that in cases where neither the man nor the woman wants to continue a pregnancy, only the woman has to undergo a medical proceedure (or even when they want to carry to term for that matter)? Well, I guess its good that you now know that you cant bear life without each other, but that seems a bit juvenile to me. Seriously? People need to think about their actions and the consequences. The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. Or so so many of you all keep saying. The guy and the woman had sex. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. Yes, its not a crime. They wanted the child and now they want to whine about how hard it is? Is this a valid summary? Hes scum because he plans on abandoning the baby. Im not questioning the reality of the situation Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. But still. Instead, you pick on women and insinuate that were ~unreasonable or some shit. Your ilk will perish from a lack of procreation. i completely agree, it is both parties responsibilities to make sure they are preventing pregnancy AND stds. John Rohan As of now, all he has done is indicated that he wanted her to have an abortion. P.P.S. I see no reason why the mother in this scenario cannot be a great parent who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption [or only have one parent involved], SpaceySteph April 9, 2012, 7:33 pm. He's got to focus on his ex and tell himself she wants to be with him and not the other man in the long run. The kid isnt a rapist, the mother is. Bottom line. This whole thing could have been prevented that way. April 9, 2012, 1:35 pm. Wow, youre a real piece of work, arent you. In the current system he has the option to opt out any time prior to conception. unfortunately, ive seen more than one person take pills the wrong way (whether it be because they forget, dont take it at exactly the same time, dont pay attention to warnings about drug interactions, etc). Identical twin men: one is an IVF doctor, one is a carpenter. But early on, this is not an inevitable outcome, and if only one person wants the child, the other should be able to not be obligated. bittergaymark But, they both had lawyers. Its not anyones fault, theres no one to blame. Im not saying its a trivial thing, but its nothing compared to birth. It is quite possible to become pregnant on the pill. Does that change the situation as all? reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): A And how can you be mad at the woman? Actions have consequences. Problem. I think Dan Savage an Santorum have some sexual tension though. lets_be_honest If youd like to share you e-mail, we could correspond more about this. She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage. Take it from me, every man screws up at some point. I do plan to stay on my birth control because having a period every month doesnt sound like loads of fun after only having 4 a year for so long. Fortunately, its a well known fact that theres no 100% guarantee with birth control. You have no say whatsoever in this situation. Seriously this is skeeving me out. Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. I know one 40yr old lady who got pregnant after having her tubes tied. it will be her due by July or Aug. well, The reason why I asked you about your opinion because it's really hard for me to make a decision to leave her behide her pregnant on her own. it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. She came first. We have the means to resolve pregnancy issues. There was a single picture of my ex-boyfriend, his then-girlfriend, and their first child. After that, its not your choice anymore. lets_be_honest I said there and I think it bears repeating here: you have no right to assume the woman you are having sex with has the same views on abortion as you. And that isnt fair either. But it is a result of a legal system that prioritizes the needs of children over fairness to the parents. If he didnt want to make a baby, he should have been wearing condoms or not having sex at all. Hes 40 and he doesnt want a child. According to pro-choice rhetoric, this man has NOTHING to do with the existence of the child. Child support is nice, but a father it does not make. April 10, 2012, 5:46 pm. His character and judgment are awful. No law can change the fact that whatever choice a man or woman in this position makes, the woman has the burden of actually carrying out the birth or abortion. BUT. REALLY?! Changing the facts and then arguing them is just as useless as creating facts and arguing those whether you admit to it or not. Exactly. Merely that it is an immense expense for the man for a situation that he didnt want a situation which, as I said, the woman is never forced to endure. Termination of Parental rights does NOT absolve you from paying Child Support in the United States of America. I'm still contemplating because if my boyfriend finds out, I'm afraid he'll leave me. However, hey, feel free to pretend its still 2000 BC. Why do you want to be with such a douchenozzle? He has an obligation to any future sex partner to keep himself clean. He said while I was away he tried to get over me with someone else and now shes pregnant with his son. Sure sure you have sex, theres always the possibility of a child. Always follow your gut and your instincts. He made his feelings clear to her when she was only two weeks pregnant, telling her they havent been together two minutes! Come on! But, are you willing to pay for his mistakes. Its not yours to deal with. She may have been sweet and loving throughout the relationship, but when she stopped being her best self or caring about what you think, she became angry, vicious, or revengeful. But this doesnt mean that hes not scum. ColorsOfTheWind Sleeping without protection with someone who you knew for two minutes ? It is duplicated below. Then they want to fight for the loser like hes some sort of prize! Thats nature, Tim. Yes, it takes 2 to tango but she is the one carrying the child and an abortion isnt just an easy thing to do. Sorry for the crass language. React. It doesnt have to toss a ball with you to help with your rehab or take pictures of you with your new arm. He did help create it. Here is the truth: After a break up you create a hierarchy. Hes not a victim, unless she raped him. April 9, 2012, 11:23 am. April 10, 2012, 7:02 pm. Im sorry, but sex creates children. [The feminist movement died one millisecond after the first impact. Step back and take a look at what you have told us. female Everything else aside, most of the guys in this thread are more upset about the sex part than they are about the child out of wedlock part. Even if this baby malarky goes away, even if this woman only demands financial support and nothing else from your boyfriend, this sort of drama will be your life if you stay with him. A forty year old man who can be tricked into believing that intercourse, with birth control or not, cannot lead to a baby is an idiot. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. Of course my opinion of her is based on the story he is telling you. Then, fine; but you need to consider the possibility of having to deal with this malarkey for the rest of the time you and your boyfriend are together. Im not a woman hater happily married for 15 years, and I love my mother, my sister and even my mother-in-law. Wow RR, I like it when you get angry. 4) The boyfriend, especially given his age (and that this cant be blamed on youthful impulsiveness), doesnt look the best in this scenario. He had no more to do with the existence of this child then an architect who only provides half the blueprints has responsibility for the existence of the Pentagon. She says the girl says she got pregnant while on birth control, puh leaaaaaaaaaase. And those rapists who raped them get the money? Im guessing thats where most of us got the idea that he was trying to push it on her. If it is hers you bet she supports it. Inc. Lee's Summit MO. And hes 28. The manner to which they have become accustomed is a reference to alimony, not child support. And I would believe him that he has no interest in her other than convenience. Both agreed to cut him out entirely, up to and including child support, so that he was free of any obligation. Please read our Comment Policy before commenting. Although I cant decide if shes purely a straight-up C.U.N.T. Its like people that think women become foster parents for the money. But what can I do? Look, you broke up with him because your relationship had some problems, and because of trust issues, and his inability to commit to you. How about equal right for, you know, everyone? We were apart for over five years when he announced he was becoming a father, and even though all that time had passed and despite my happiness with my new husband, it still conjured up a lot of . That is not a legally binding document and is unenforceable.
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