I do not understand why being asked on a date (or simply learning that someone is attracted to you) is apparently now widely considered a traumatizing experience to be protected against at all times. Im gonna join the dont do it! train. Now I tend to err on the side of it is their job to be nice and their job is shitty enough without you slipping them your number so short of them jumping in my lap I just let it go. Mention some public event coming up in the upcoming week that you are planning to attend, such as a concert, puppet show, debate, whatever. Attraction is not the result of a negotiation. My dear Internet god, those posters on Craigslist are pathetic. Im sick of this and I dont have to take it! One reason why you hear more and more complaints from women in retail is precisely because they are empowered, not because, as you seem to be implying, that we are all a bunch of fragile, frigid, special snowflakes who want to criminalize all interactions between men and women. If she's interested, she'll follow it unless unable. Since you're not asking if you should or not but HOW you should ask her then I'd suggest you to try to ask her something like "Hi, I was wondering if you'd like to have a coffee/drink with me sometimes ?". With the acknowledgment that some people may say NOT to ask a cashier out at her work, can I get some ideas from you all assuming that I AM going to ask her out. Remember that she has to be somewhat friendly with you, don't force her to behave friendly against her will with someone she sees as a creep. 4 Remember customers' preferences. It is so awkward for the person behind the counter on so many levels, and honestly, if it were me back when I was working retail Id be terrified that if I said no, youd do something to get me written up or contact the district manager to get me fired. But my dog is waiting for me, and I really cant hang around. Don't ask someone out while they are at work. Copyright 2007 - 2023 Ask A Manager. I've just met a guy, he may be the one! Responding to that with flip remarks about how will the species survive or how its always been this way or how people who object really need to deal, frankly, comes across as wildly and deliberately obtuse which, again, is very out of character for you. And of course, a lot of people would prefer not to field come-ons while theyre working. One night, I got all dressed up (hair in hot curlers and everything) and went to the drive thru to see him. The only reason Im torn at all is because Ive also heard the stories of people meeting their husbands/wives through these connections. Then she returned change in copper coins, one at a time, staring me in the eye. I did think your point about women being discouraged from asking men out was really interesting. You never know how someones going to handle rejection if you dont know them well (and even sometimes if you do). I was the only female that worked there, and getting hit on generally happened in two categories. With same-sex flirting, I feel like its a zillion times harder. Oh gosh students. do I need to wear nylons to a job interview or are bare legs OK? It was actually terrifying wondering if hed show up again. It was somewhat flattering with compliments but also uncomfortable if they couldnt accept my response. Anyway, I begged her not to ask him out, at least not while I was there because I have been put in that situation at work before and I wanted no part of it, and especially not before we paid because I was worried he might think his tip depended on his answer. Its her job to make connections with her customers and, you know, be nice. If you dont hear from him in a week oh well. To an extent, we cant help it. Any bashing, hateful attack If "no" seems like it would damage, hurt or invalidate you, get to healthcare and work that out. In an ideal world, a polite request for a date wouldnt be totally inappropriate. +1000. Ask her out. From a quick skim of the comments, it seems like Im in the minority opinion here (Im a man myself), but two things: 1. Its my practice since to never pursue workers in service, not that it matters so much now. Late in the thread but dont do it while they are working their CS role. He just seems interested. However, it has happened from time-to-time. By clicking Accept all cookies, you agree Stack Exchange can store cookies on your device and disclose information in accordance with our Cookie Policy. Is it just me, or are libraries worse than other environments? Clearly your girlfriend didnt know you were doing it. I think OP should probably take advice from local friends and ask what's expected there. OP: I think most people can tell when there is some genuine interest going on. I guess the sexy librarian thing does not help in that respect either :(((. If you cant meet a stranger in a public coffee shop on your own, how on earth is internet dating supposed to work? I usually just tried to be extra nice and funny about it without bringing in the orientation thing, then went on with the rest of my day. Or include a 'Text me/Call me' in the note, and don't say anything at all (this might be more innocuous and have the same effect, since all the flirting up till now has been unspoken, you might want to carry that on). Well, maybe I'll see you there! If you put someone in an awkward position by asking them out when you arent really sure if theyre interested, then you probably shouldnt be mandating (even in your head) how they are to respond. Another option you may consider is going through her manager. I think, for women especially, there is also the matter of fatigue. However, there was one guy that asked me out that I totally would have gone out with, if I hadnt already been dating my now-husband. Or you could be lucky and run into her on a bus or somewhere else out of context. +1000 I work in customer service, it is so awkward to get asked out at work. You dont know this person, they dont know you! It was my first job ever, I worked part time for a store that primarily sold video games and video game accessories. Although again, sadly, he still might have a GF. +1. WebTalk about what you're going to make with your items. Stack Exchange network consists of 181 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow, the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers. But fr what a lot of people are saying here, has the world just gotten that much more creepy? I used to work at a library too and we were always told not to give out our full names and to be vigilant of patrons. Since the OP is the customer, if read it correctly, the OP should ask the question. I think the only thing saving me from flirting being a daily occurrence where I was assigned was that our typical customers were older, often married, women. When I worked in retail, I probably would have been flattered if someone hit on me but I was a teen boy. I am a 23 year old man and i want to ask a girl out that works in a clothes shop nearby where i live. Always follow up after the date if you had fun spending time together, even if it was just for one night! ?. She was probably scared shitless. -while she wasnt ever really convinced that he was flirting with her, everyone else was There's a lot of bickering over culture here: I'm from the Netherlands, female, currently 26 years old. Hello, OP here. This is different, though, from approaching the object of affection. OP think twice, thrice, four times before you do this. At a bar, after church, at an event where you share a mutual interest, go for it! We were both flattered though and it wasnt awkward. Aaron/Erins unite! She thought he was attractive and they got on well. We ended up going separate ways in life, but he was a total gentleman and excellent +1 while it did last, and I still hold him in high regard years later. I suspect answers can be highly different depending on the cultural context. For instance - southern Europe here - to me it's perfectly acceptable OP, I did this once. Sadly due to lack of nametag I do not. 3. August 26, 2005 1:13 AM Subscribe (1) Say something that clearly demonstrates that you like her. It has to be something any random girl would find enjoyable all by itself even if you weren't involved. Special issue: when one is working, one has to do ones job or get fired. I'm aware that Germans are renowned for being very direct people, though, so it could be the right move to do after all. I really enjoy talking to you here and Ive thought it might be nice to do it outside of work sometime. Apologies on behalf of the male half of the human race. Just FYI: I've had male cashiers say things like "Nice to see you again", and it doesn't mean they want to go out with me, ok? Let me apologize in advance for all the guys out there who do this. a silly or gross pickup line, or outright propositioning) and a simple asking out (e.g. We go out in public with strangers all the time after all. To restart a mission in Red Dead Redemption 2, you must first locate. Once you have built up enough confidence and prepared your words, it is time to take action. Something short and simple and easy for both of you. I definitely advocate making any sort of social overture carefully and without undue pressure, I just dont know that I can agree with the voices advocating for blanket ban. Women arent delicate flowers and men, as a gender whole, arent big scary monsters. So now that Ive rambled, I just hope the OP really considers this persons demeanor before putting him in a potentially awkward situation. I love that show, I wish they would bring it back. There's no way to know whether the "signs" you are picking up on are actually signals and not them just doing their job. Except this is not a conversation about whether its ever OK for a man to approach a woman confidently and in a not-creepy or inappropriate way*; its a conversation about a specific situation, namely making romantic overtures to somebody whose job and paycheck require them to be pleasant to you. The difference is that many* men will IGNORE those signals because what they want is more important to them than respecting the others wishes. You can't pressure a woman into being attracted to you. Yes. (Helpful hint: if hell only text and wont talk on the phone, that is often a sign that he has an SO of some kind). There's no freedom of motion for her. NB They were both well into their 30s when they met. Having people try to flirt or ask me out when I was behind a cash register was the worst. I was a bartender for many years and the worst thing about my job was the endless flirting and customers asking me out on dates. You can guess empowered is too, but there's a third: ability. Or even worse if I read the signs wrong and she rejects me? Every week, she would buy a bunch of corn and talk to him. Some points of potential special cases. Positive body language like dancing with excitement and enthusiasm helps convey your intentions clearly. It stops being flattering at a certain point, and even then there is ALWAYS the pressure of Im at work how can I respond in a way that will keep this persons business and not cause a scene and get me in trouble with my boss?. Thank goodness none of them ever tried anything like this, you poor thing! Generally, try not talking to women with the mentality oh my god I have to ask her out at some point. I work in a library so I dont have any other environment to compare it to but there are students who do not understand boundaries and do not understand the difference between friendly customer service and flirting. Most notably, the fireman passed his number through those people to give to her, and left it up to her to contact him if she was interested. I dont want to miss out if she really is as special as Im feeling, but I also realize it might just be me feeling that. When youre in a position where your continued success (and as a waitress, your actual ability to pay your eat/bills) is contingent on playing nice with people who treat you like crap day in and day outand looking sufficiently enthusiastic about it, thankyouverymuchthe power dynamic there is way off. Have you had a conversation about anything that isn't related to their work? Result: He emailed me that night, and we struck up a friendship, but never dated. It's usually pretty busy when I see her there so I both a) don't want to hold shit up trying to chat, And b) don't want to be "that guy" especially in front of a bunch of people. Just try not to come off like a creeper if you do ask, and really try to absorb the advice the other commenters have provided. My band is playing at the Speakeasy Thursday night and it'll be our first performance all year. Imagine if they asked you out. What are the prerequisites of whimsy? Arrange to run in to someone as they are leaving, but asking them out in their place of employment is frankly awful. I worked for years in retail when I was younger and fended off unwanted requests for dates successfully and without any kind of emotional scarring.). (Only bc in my case they were thankfully never true creepers). Its normal. It would probably be best to not think about it any longer. I am quite new to relationships, but the signs she gave me are promising. Its a numbers thing. Thanks gsa, Im actually not really comfortable asking someone out, and then there is the whole customer/employee dynamic, but it sounds like Im going to have to be the one to make a move so thanks for the reinforcement! The waitress could have said oh, hes off the market or he gets number all the time and is sick of it or something like that so it would avoid the embarrassing interaction if there wasnt a chance for a positive outcome. That, of course, is why lots of managers would rather customers notask out their employees its a good way to lose customers who then feel too awkward to return. People shouldnt just ask anyone everyone they find the least bit attractive while at their place of work but I think it is different if you think you could really have a strong connection with this person. Nothing terribly overt but just talking, asking what I'm up to for the rest of the day and just seeming kind of excited to talk to me. When lindy hopping, it is important to use positive body language and express excitement and enthusiasm. Having been on the receiving end, I can tell you I've always found it awkward and uncomfortable when someone has asked me out as opposed to leaving a note for me to choose to respond or not respond privately. But if he were really, really interested in the girl, might he not go to those places hoping to run into her?
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