This is why so many mother and daughter-in-law relationships become estranged: a tug-of-war with an unhappy male in the middle of it all. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on August 19, 2012: Hello, Dave. And now that he is lying to me and looks like he's protecting her from me, I feel so betrayed! Parenting teenagers is not easy, but understanding the issues they struggle with can help everyone involved. Please help me what to do! Your email address will not be published. Don't force him to choose between you and the girl. "Mom, this girl makes me happy." Try to treat him like the independent young man he has become. 2. Being manipulated to the point where he cannot see friends without her & is changing his personality, kind and helpful but not allowed to help his family move house without her creating a huge amount of stress on him taking a night away. we will never accept her we just don't know what to do. If you withdraw your love, she'll only resent your fianc for it. A year ago he started dating this girl, at first I really liked her, she tried to be a mediator between my son and I and she was helpful and always got him home when I wanted him home That didn't last long. Things continued to worsen. That is part of life and learning. It's been a year now that I noticed this one girl, I think she's 15 or 16 yrs old, always come to our house to pet my dog. His driving has changed since he smokes he drives more irrationally now, was a great calm driver till he started smoking. They will become co-dependent. 6. Meanwhile, let him know you're his forever family. He might like that his girlfriend gets you riled up. "Do you think she'll make a good mother to your children?" We expressed that it wasn't that we didn't like this girl as a person and that we understood that everyone is "broken" in some wayand some people are worth fixingand that everyone deserves to be lovedbut this woman needs to fit into his life, his lifestyle, which includes his family. Maybe write it in a letter or note. son's girlfriend doesn 't like his family Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on March 13, 2018: To Gigi: You've already done something that I wouldn't have done. But he might have found his life mate at an early age. He always say "no or I don't have girlfriend" whenever I ask him questions like that. My adult sons girlfriend hates me (jealous, father, person, member I'll love you no matter what." If he wants private time with her which is an adult privilege, he needs to own up to that adult responsibility of having his own place. Enough is enough take the shit that you came which is nothing and leave. MY SON HAS ALWAYS A RESPECTFUL CHILD. I trust you. Would you like to prove once and for all that parents know best? Both eyes open, we told him, if he wanted to avoid heartache later. I mean, I . Cowboys Draft Longhorns LB: 'They Love My Effort!' But if your son continues to hang out with their daughter, come and go as he pleases without responsibilities, believe me, her parents will change their attitude towards him sooner or later. If you wait and hes in a bottomless pit in the relationship, it may take longer for him to listen to your concerns. So the more you attack her, the more he'll defend her. In most cases. This again caused her to put new demands. When I told my son that a woman who does not cook for herself, will not cook for you, he replied "women don't cook anymore." Here is my advice: For the time being, don't fight against this girl or this relationship. I implore you all not to cut ties with your son for any reason. She didn't say anything at the time. He does not seem concerned for his son's health and well-being. Once my son hit high school, my once sweet boy began having sex, smoking pot, and drinking. he is only 19 and she is still in school a senior 17 years old. We did this due to her poor attitude and disrespect towards me and my fiance. I was really disapppointed that he lied to me! This girl would drive to our house every weekend (15 hours) to spend 1 1/2-2 days with my son. Needs constant contact, validation, and attention. Her family is unstable and made crazy comments to Scarlet and about us. You might also ask his closest friend, cousin or sibling to talk with him. NIGHT OF OPEN HEAVEN (22ND APRIL, 2023) - Facebook I have gone out of my way and bent over backwards but yet I cannot understand her personality. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on August 20, 2012: Oh, you're welcome. "The kids really love her." During that time, my son was dating this new woman and she was still pregnant and also directly after the birth of her child. In fact, shower your mother with lots of love and attention when your new wife is around so she will associate your wife with good times and loving feelings from her son. We had work of our own to do. But shrug your shoulders and say, "It's your life. I did go to the grandparent day breakfast at his headstart program and his hair was so stiff from not being washed and his clothing was filthy. Invasive or insensitive questions about the relationship, her personal life, or her background. He asked us a few weeks ago to apologise to his girlfriend as she heard our telephone conversation about our concerns that she was using him against her ex partner. He also loves writing about his passions and hopes to change the world, 1 blog post at a time! I got him home, cleaned him up (she had dragged him down in just a few short months) - he was dirty and stinky! I suggested prosponing renting out his flat go back and see how things go. He is smart. Recently, her family has started coming after her for child support and her mother is entitled to this since she is caring for her kids. I asked him 3 times and said no! My son's girlfriend doesn't like me and has banned me from visiting the house, I am not allowed to attend family birthdays or other events like Christmas, Easter etc. Do your best to show how your wife has increased the joy in your life and their lives (your parents'). Seriously. To initiate that conversation, Burns suggested positioning yourself as a buffer to help break the ice between your lover and your loved ones. I was in the process of selling my house and relocating us. Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? Why rush?". And, honestly, why should I when I have to stay in the car at her place. He goes to college and comes home. Then he showers and leaves. I'm sorry if I'm not giving you the answers you wanted to hear, but they are the answers that will help you save your long-term relationship with your son which is more important than being right or getting him to comply with what you think is best for him. Last night, my son invited his father and I to their wedding! Look, if you push this matter, you'll only push him deeper into her arms. Now, my son has always been at the top of his class. Do you think that they might blame you for their father's leaving the family? I have been reading all the stories that you ladies have been posting. He gave his horse back( that he loved so much) to the people he got it from because he wanted to spend his money on his girlfriend and her parents, he moved out of his apartment that he shared with his brothers that he USED to be real close with and moved in with her and her parents because he said THEY needed help financially, he bought them a 20,000 car after theirs broke down! Its your parental responsibility to take action and start a conversation with your son about his manipulative partner. It's hard to talk to your adult child about his choice of mate because he will see it as yet another reason to protect her. Non-critical. For now, don't tell your fianc about all this. I have proof that this girl was a stripper and a prostitute! I will definitely implement the advice herein, and it will definitely bring about positive results. no dreams now. Required fields are marked *. How about when your son is abusive to his girlfriend treats her like crap hits her slaps her does horrible things to her and he blames her. While I dont want to lose my son, I slso dont want to act like nothing ever happened by throwing out my beliefs and morals. I'm sorry to hear about your difficult situation. A 16-year-old girl with those types of problems most likely has moved on to another guy while your son is in detention center. Let the girl do her thing which probably will be to move on while he is detention. I even renovated her house and spent lots of money but now there is a problem when i support my girlfriend. That is no small thing and in fact, can still save him. Our kids, who started dating in high school, broke up at the beginning of their sophomore year in college, after dating for nearly two years. My sons girlfriend is always calling him names and is always angry. Explaining what abuse, assault, and rape really are can be confusing, but it is important for his life and the lives of the girls he meets. My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative- Obvious Signs Parents Cant Ignore, 2. The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. Whether your son brings home a boyfriend or girlfriend (these . If you have to live with your mother's disapproval, so be it. Kids sometimes might be in such a relationship out of fear of abandonment. She has had very bad comments that show that she disapproves of our relationship in front of family members and others. But they don't like my girlfriend we had some issues in the beginning but I don't blame my girlfriend there were alot of outside interference. Editorial post:My Son Hates His Stepfather. But he might have to see that "her love" isn't so healthy--or true. My son wants to tell me and he has an expectation that I should welcome her with open arms (she has never been welcome in my home). At first we got along but then we discovered she steals thingsshe lies.and we no longer trust her in our home. He graduated debt free, gave him a car and paid for expenses that related to his career. Redirecting to /talk/behaviour_development/a1209810-Sons-girlfriend-doesnt-say-hello-to-me-or-my-wife-when-she-comes-to-our-home. However, the reality is that my relationship with my son has changed and I can't really see any improvement as long as he is with this woman. Make it a warm and inviting offering. I know you have concerns about your son getting into a serious relationship so young, but isn't your top priority your son's happiness? If they are spending much time together and less time on school or other activities. This is my first post and I'm really hoping for some advice. She hates our whole family for no reason at all. Needs to argue constantly. Our grown children won't want to be around us if we're always offering our unsolicited opinions or judgments! Be sure that whatever you say is not your opinion but stick to facts. is it normal for mothers to get jealous and mistreat the girlfriend, even though I've never disrespected their rules and wants for their son? When You Don't Like Your Son's Girlfriend. He'd call in for a meal occasionally. But, subtle signs that people don't like you can also drive you nuts, making you feel paranoid. You've set down solid foundations for him, and he is branching out and experimenting with his freedom. Our son too has had freedom to go out with curfews till 18. It honestly sounds as if neither your son or his girlfriend are fit parents. Talking to your son about sex is scary enough but talking to him about what and when it is okay to touch someone and when it's not can be even harder. The parents only work a few hours a week because they are on state insurance and if they go over hour then they lose the insurance! However, I have traveled beyond the point of no return. They have been together for 6 years and recently bought their own house. Be direct: "What have I done to make you treat me this way?" My son is 16 and his girlfriend is 17. It's clear our son spends a great deal of time and energy taking care of his girlfriend and making her feel secure and content, although she is rarely content for long. Its normal for your adolescent boy to separate from his family. She has refused to accept my apology even my husband has now apologised, she told my husband that she wants nothing to do with any of his family and he will never see any of his grandchildren. How do you intervene without becoming an anti-girlfriend bad guy? She pretends to be having no issue to me at times but I am concerned that this will have a negative impact on our relationship with her (mother) once we get married. It is hard to teach young ones that breaking up feels bad but it is better than breaking up when there is so much more at stake such as divorce and children. Young boys with low self-esteem are attracted to girls that make them feel good about themselves. My advice is to show only love and kindness toward your sons and their girlfriends. Another essential step you should consider is scheduling consistent family time. And that will drive them both away. Here are a few I can think of: 1. it really bothers the family cuz we thought we brought our son up with the understanding that family comes first that you never bring trash in your family and take up for your family! It seems that you have raised a young man who is independent, open-minded, tolerant . As his mother, you have the right to forewarn him of upcoming problems that may stem from differences in faith and other areas of incompatibility, for example. We advised to keep one subject he is on top of, as he has always said if he took a gap year he will never go back to study! My eldest son Matt has been dating this girl who has been totally appauling both my younger son Mike 17, my husband and myself. Thank YOU for posting. He may feel awkward about being around her at the same time he is with his family. son's girlfriend doesn 't like his family "She is such a hard worker.". My girlfriend (20F) doesn't like me(20M) taking her pictures. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated as I do not want this to spoil his siblings Christmas and upset his elderly Grandparents. Your email address will not be published. He did end up getting an apartment a few weeks later (with our help), and is currently enrolled in a local college. "Are you angry with us? Her mother sees your disapproval as meddling and controlling your son's life. We helped him buy his first flat, his family all chipped in to help, he had a good job, then things changed again when he met a new girl, she has a child and is a few years older again like the last. To Roxanne: Yours is an extreme example of how tough it is to cope with your son't girlfriend. I asked my son if there's something between him and the girl, but he said they're just friends. www.mumsnet.com During this time he started dating a woman he met online from another state who was pregnant with another man's child. How do I approach this issue as it is emotionally draining me. I even cook or order pizza for them when they like to watch movies or karaoke. We'd love to add it to our calendar. I was extremely hurt and said so to my son. He text and said he's ok don't worry. Send out lots of love to him. OK mamas, admit it: no one is good enough for your son. Be honest and help him connect the dots between his relationship and the manipulative behaviour. Let him know that as his mother, you will always love him and support him in finding his happiness. I thought this was bad enough! I had spent a lot of money moving from state to start and paid the first year rent all by myself -he refused. It actually felt good just to vent and get another opinion! Your son may be too hooked in love to understand that hes in an unhealthy relationship. Other obvious signs that should prompt you to take action on this matter are: Also, parents need to understand why their sons commit to any manipulative relationship before taking any action. A monkey with a banana ran up and grabbed one of my kitties, slung him under its arm and ran away. Not once did she bring her children and to be honest, she was not allowed. NOW is the time to be very, very careful in his choice. She's 52 years old! That is all. But once you say this, don't harp on it or bring it up continually. My son's girlfriend doesn't like me and has banned me from visiting the We moved to a different town to be closer to aging parents, and he continued to drive an hour and a half every day to see her (he would go after/before his job). This girlfriend of your son's doesn't sound like she would make a good mother or will make him happy in the long run. Your son is underage as is his girlfriend who is having a clearly negative influence on him. I felt like I was babysitting a 26 year old child. Often, controlling people fear losing power and a need to influence the world . I forgot to mention -- his girlfriend is moving away in June. He only said the girl didn't come to the house because he got panicked when I asked him if the girl came and if he said yes that I'm gonna get mad. If your son contributes to your finances and you need his support, that is a different story. my sons girlfriend doesn t like me. This is why it's essential to listen to the people who know you best and love you most (like your siblings . Well, they have been going together for four years. OTOH, I personally did not know anyone from my group of friends, or relatives, or coworkers around my age who owned a house by their "late 20s" and I can not think of any of my children's friends, co-workers adult children, nieces or nephews who owned a house before their early or mid 30s (or even later). We asked to meet him last weekend, we travelled a long way to visit him but he text and told us he was busy with her and her son. She translates your disapproval of the relationship as a rejection of her. Teens today have it hard. And don't discount the importance and bonding of great sex. If she is trying to distance him from you or his family. The things she said to me were unacceptable along with the nasty threatening text messages of how I ruined his life now and that I hoped I was happy. Then, if and when problems in their relationship arise, he'll be able to turn to you for solace and guidance.
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